Colours

 

I want to be surrounded by my purple walls

My heart broke when they turned to grey

The monsters in my soul and all around, it calls

It wakes them up and here forces them to stay

They used to be so tame

Because the purple was protection

My weaponry of which I should be so ashamed

As I am to submit to the imminent infection

I buy my freedom, happiness, respect

There is no other way for me I guess

If i had less, it would just everything affect

It would have been a total mess!

That I would hate, I would abhor

If I would lose it all

And it might turn me into a cheap whore 

Like those around me, born to sell their souls

Their souls, their bodies and their dreams

It is the way it works round here

Submitting to the One and Only`s whims

So many rules to which you must adhere

An avalanche of purple stars released into the air

Fills the gloomy scary void, a vortex it creates and love it stores,

Inspires broken, heavy hearts, engulfs with care

And sends the monsters to some distant shores

They stay away, they know their place

They turn to stone, sometimes to dust

Sometimes to pussycats, that after toys would chase

They would no doubt to their destiny adjust

In past tense this should have been told

Cause colourless are now the skies, the sea, the ground

The monsters are at large, despite the cold

Invoked by greyness, darkness; freedom they just found!

They are coming after me

I can feel the thumping of their feet

The ground is shaking, boulders rolling down, and sprees

Holes opening up to swallow me

The fright of the impending terrible disaster

It buries me, surreal but well-known

Dormant, it`s awaking faster 

It`s happening again, I should have known

Large yellow crooked teeth are glistening into the sun

Saliva dripping down, fierce eyes open wide

I should be warmly welcoming the guns

The roar tears down everything inside

Would it hurt if i erased myself, I wonder

My colours they are gone

I`m only space defined by distorted contours 

It`s what is left to do, lets get it done!

If I can get erased before they reach me

I`d be invisible, untouchable, like air

One thing that colourlessness could teach me

Was that nobody, just nobody, would ever care

My contours take a lot of space

The emptiness enormous that resides within

I wouldn't mind if they got erased

It would give me safety, a place I`ve never been

But would it be? Or not?

Who makes decisions here?

I know it is my job

To be eaten up, torn apart, made to disappear!

An imperfect drawing, is all that I would ever be

Done by someone who can hardly hold a pen

I`be been waiting all the time for someone to erase me

Because they did a lousy job, with an expensive pen!

And I`ve been looking at my watch for years

Nobody has come to me with an eraser

Nobody has either brought me colours here

Should I colour me? Erase me? Or should I face them?

The monsters on their way

Their putrid breath I feel on me from this huge distance

I need my colours, even though faded away

Or they would further distort my contours without resistance

Where do I get the colours from? What do I do?

How do I create them here from scratch?

It must be really very cool

To be like that so colourful, a real catch!

Then everyone would run to you

The A4 beautiful example of perfection

You`d be the star, so popular, the hero true

So worthy of affection!

I am a back-up, just a draft

The paper I was drawn on - crumbled, thrown away

You claimed this to be your craft

You decide who would be colourful and who would fade away

I never had the colours, never did

Every time I tried some colouring

You threw away my palette, and you hid

All brushes. Colours are so damn empowering!

Is it ok this way? You kindly ask

Although you blame me for the lack of colour

My job is to agree with you, on every task

You remind me that I have no choice each hour

You want me to be powerless and tame

Susceptible to monsters and infections

Otherwise, how would you claim

Your twisted power and perfection?

I`m tired and I want you to erase me

My lines, contorted in a painful pattern

The monsters then will stop to chase me

Please, address this pressing matter!

The colours from me they were drained

I am unarmed and helpless, it appears

Everyone expects the monsters to be slain

And asks me “what`s your problem here?”

You took my colours and my soul

You wanted to see how it would go

As an experiment, would I still stand tall?

Or would I crumble into the unknown?

A game so tiresome, deprived of ethics

The mockery, the threats, that you call care

You play your role so well, you are pathetic!

Nothing in the world would make it up to me or make it fair

I wish you could erase my lines, I `m brave

Then you would have truly done your share 

You could fold them into a shape of grave

Where you would go to show the world you cared

There won`be colours here for me

You want them all for you, I see

You claim such hunger, thirst, being unfit

So you steal, you feel entitled to it

My purple walls are gone

The memory of them remains so clear

Would I be able to build a new protected home

Or would I let you just erase me here? 

Copyright ©thescribblerinthebooth

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Ode to Anxiety