The Friend

 


You are sleeping tight in your bed

Next to your husband, so well fed

You don`t have nightmares, sleepless nights

Like a newborn baby, right?


You don`t struggle, you don`t care

The purely ordinary things you dare

To think about and only do

Cause now you`re one of them, its true?


Before that you would sleep around

Been exploring the whole town

Checking out every single one in trousers

Your bravery is stunning, they were thousands!


You would say to me in a voice unkind:

“The truth in books you`ll never find

A man, a man, will do the trick

And you don`t stand a chance, what do you think?”


Just look at you, the state of your affairs

Whatever you do, nobody would care!

Who the hell do you think you are?

The way you are, you won`t get far!


But lend me money, would you?

Be there for me, could you?

This type of friendship I can offer you

Cause your shadow, its too scary, cruel!


I will make sure it is gone

I will demolish it, its what I want!

The reason is - I fear you

My marriage proposals, they might get so few


I will make sure that you get so small

I will make sure that you fall

Into the depths of harsh contempt

From it, you`ll never be exempt


Around you I just cannot thrive

I cannot live, I can`t be anybody`s wife

The only way would be to just expel you

From my presence, I can tell you


Or maybe I need you

Unless you`re married, ugly or life impedes you

Or else you don`t exist to me

As long as you are skinny, single, free!


And look at you! You are still renting!

So shameful, your life is pending!

You don`t have anything, you`re still in school

You`re such a terrible pathetic fool!


You won`t even get to where I am

You won`t be ever one of them

It takes a child! It takes a man!

And you would never have it, damn!


You are a threat to my well-being

To my ways of seeing

To my family, which on a lie is built

Who I am, they`ll never know, no drop of guilt!


I`d rather use you as an outlet

For my frustrations, for my needs unmet

Cause I pretend so much, it`s perfect

But my secret it would never surface!”


Your lie, my friend, is beautiful, sincere

I do not mind this, it so appears

Your name I even have forgotten

But your ways so twisted, broken


The memory of them, it haunts me

It turned into a beast that wants me

A beast of flesh and bones, corrupted

A beast that everyone around me had adopted


A beast that wouldn´t let me sleep at night

A beast that brought me to the end, inside

A beast that seemed to be my spouse

By all of you, my friends, aroused


A beast that was with me entrusted

I married it, despite being disgusted

You did it all for me, indeed a huge favour

Whatever you dished out, it was my job to take, without a quaver


So with the beast I shared a bed

I shared my meals, I shared my bread

Guess what, impossible, it all has been

I stood no chance somebody else`s heart to win


I´ve gotten used to him, he even has a name

My best friend, so beautiful, so tame

If I didn´t have him, where would I go?

I don`t see anyone opening their door. 


It is you, my dear friends, I have to thank

Your words of poison that I drank

Hate and jealousy so intertwined!

I wish that I would never find


Anyone like you until I die

But when I did, I wondered why

“the why” is obvious indeed

You`d like to see someone down there at your feet


You`d like to feel, enormous, big!

You definitely get a kick

Of feeling so in charge

Of feeling the entitlement to barge

Into people`s lives unwanted

And you would flaunt it

your values are the right ones, it is so

The others` - not at all!

I was addicted to that sort

But not any more, it was a dangerous sport!


The likes of you, I do avoid

It`s you its all about, and that`s the point

It took me an eternity to come home, 

You are not welcome here, no!


It is a pity, yes, indeed

But never mind, it`s me, my creed

My nature and my ways

I´m glad for it, despite the pain


I know that you would never change, I know

Your best sides to me you have shown

I`m glad I`m free from your disdain

But I feel sorry for child and man!

Copyright ©thescribblerinthebooth

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Ode to Anxiety

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The Monster