Happy Birthday to ME!
Another birthday rolling by
It used to be a cursed day, they used so much to cry
I would avoid it and I would forget
It was a cause for such regret
Yes, yes it is, it is the worst
Because of me, I was the one cursed
I was so wicked, angry
I constantly I thought I was in danger
The very core of misery, that shouldn`t be allowed
The one that justifies the acting out
As punishment, the pinching shoes I was to wear forever
I was, myself, alone, the worst endeavor
Because of non-A4 reactions
While others glorified for their completely stupid actions
Being upset! No! Out of the question!
No tears, no smiles, no indigestion!
The wicked was my tribe, no doubt
Being good, obedient - what life was all about
My shoes - my fate eternal
My presence - pain and death nocturnal
God forbid if I just dared
I would dissolve into thin air
There was nothing here to celebrate
Or maybe hope of one so badly wanted death!
Because of this unbearable curse
And it was only getting worse
It was so painful, it still is
I wish that it was purely lease
But it was not, blood was involved
No way, no chance for this to be resolved
Happy birthday to me! I`m alive!
I`ve been trying here, done my best to thrive
With legacy of anger and anxiety persistent
The normal things they seemed so distant
Everything revolved around survival
I hoped for random people to reset me, to press the button of revival
Like it was some software that I was lacking
Could someone else here do the hacking?
It was so cold to stay outside
Life only happened to those, who were inside
The fire probably was warm and cozy
Or maybe they were only poseurs?
Lifelong task, an encryption “to endure”
How long I could - I wasn`t sure
Throughout the years, months and days
I`ve tried to change my wicked ways
I`ve tried to open the glass door
And get inside, and see if it was warm
On the threshold I was held
On the way in, I felt expelled
Those drafts and currents gave me colds
They gave me holes, patches of mould
From which I`ve never managed to recover
They turned to chronic illnesses, I have discovered
It was something well-deserved
Every minute of my life of this I was assured
Eventually I started disagreeing
It was wrong, and not especially endearing!
The others had no illnesses, and they were treated well
They were cared for, they got no “hell“
I was the one to be expelled
And I was healthy in the first place, I could tell
I do deserve the food you used to steal from me
And give it to the random stranger out on the street
My illness it was just reaction
To a sick and twisted “caring” action
Happy birthday to me! Yes, indeed!
I cannot yet recover, I will be forever sick
Somehow I you now have to feed
Is there something more you need?
Happy birthday to me! I will manage
I have suffered a great damage
I was broken into many pieces
For years I have been living in their faeces
Time has passed, since this big war
I have moved out of my hole
I still wear the uncomfortable shoes
That I was so used to use
I couldn`t live without them, no
If I put on something else my feet would get so sore
Even though I was the one to choose
I wore them on and on, those shoes
A way of life this self-destruction
It was my job to carry out this instruction
I was to let them wring my neck
I was to let them point out the tiniest speck
And turn it into an unforgivable fault
I was supposed to be a pile of mould
But I am not at all a pile of mould
I am a human being, worthy, whole
It is a problem to you that I breathe
I do not intend at all to leave!
I choose to be the problem to you, yes I do
Feel free to curse me, wish me dead, to me, it will be nothing new
If you throw me in the dirt
I will get up, though it might hurt
I will get up and fix my hair
Dust off my clothes, with greatest care
I`ll clean my wounds, I`ll sew my clothes
With golden thread, I will move on
Anyway, it is a fine and lovely day
I have the courage - I will celebrate
I am alive, I`m here to stay
I`m taking place, I `ve found my way
Pretty flowers, gardens, all around me now
Chirping birds enchanting with such cheerful sound
The ground is colourful and beautiful, sweets smells abound
I threw away my shoes, I`m walking barefoot about
I used to walk in those graveyards so gloomy
My shoes were pinching me, huge gravestones looming
I do not miss that, not at all
I like the gardens with their green waterfalls
Happy birthday to me! I`ve survived!
Finally I can say that “I can thrive”
There is space for me, a whole life
As I have done so far - for it I`ll fight!
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