Happy Birthday to ME!

 

Another birthday rolling by

It used to be a cursed day, they used so much to cry

I would avoid it and I would forget

It was a cause for such regret

Yes, yes it is, it is the worst

Because of me, I was the one cursed

I was so wicked, angry

I constantly I thought I was in danger

The very core of misery, that shouldn`t be allowed

The one that justifies the acting out

As punishment, the pinching shoes I was to wear forever

I was, myself, alone, the worst endeavor

Because of non-A4 reactions

While others glorified for their completely stupid actions

Being upset! No! Out of the question!

No tears, no smiles, no indigestion!

The wicked was my tribe, no doubt

Being good, obedient - what life was all about

My shoes - my fate eternal

My presence - pain and death nocturnal

God forbid if I just dared

I would dissolve into thin air

There was nothing here to celebrate

Or maybe hope of one so badly wanted death!

Because of this unbearable curse

And it was only getting worse

It was so painful, it still is

I wish that it was purely lease

But it was not, blood was involved

No way, no chance for this to be resolved

Happy birthday to me! I`m alive!

I`ve been trying here, done my best to thrive

With legacy of anger and anxiety persistent

The normal things they seemed so distant


Everything revolved around survival

I hoped for random people to reset me, to press the button of revival

Like it was some software that I was lacking

Could someone else here do the hacking?

It was so cold to stay outside

Life only happened to those, who were inside

The fire probably was warm and cozy

Or maybe they were only poseurs?

Lifelong task, an encryption “to endure”

How long I could - I wasn`t sure

Throughout the years, months and days

I`ve tried to change my wicked ways

I`ve tried to open the glass door

And get inside, and see if it was warm

On the threshold I was held

On the way in, I felt expelled

Those drafts and currents gave me colds

They gave me holes, patches of mould

From which I`ve never managed to recover

They turned to chronic illnesses, I have discovered

It was something well-deserved

Every minute of my life of this I was assured

Eventually I started disagreeing

It was wrong, and not especially endearing!

The others had no illnesses, and they were treated well

They were cared for, they got no “hell“

I was the one to be expelled

And I was healthy in the first place, I could tell

I do deserve the food you used to steal from me

And give it to the random stranger out on the street

My illness it was just reaction

To a sick and twisted “caring” action

Happy birthday to me! Yes, indeed!

I cannot yet recover, I will be forever sick

Somehow I you now have to feed

Is there something more you need?

Happy birthday to me! I will manage

I have suffered a great damage

I was broken into many pieces

For years I have been living in their faeces 

Time has passed, since this big war

I have moved out of my hole

I still wear the uncomfortable shoes

That I was so used to use

I couldn`t live without them, no

If I put on something else my feet would get so sore

Even though I was the one to choose

I wore them on and on, those shoes

A way of life this self-destruction

It was my job to carry out this instruction

I was to let them wring my neck

I was to let them point out the tiniest speck

And turn it into an unforgivable fault

I was supposed to be a pile of mould

But I am not at all a pile of mould

I am a human being, worthy, whole

It is a problem to you that I breathe

I do not intend at all to leave!

I choose to be the problem to you, yes I do

Feel free to curse me, wish me dead, to me, it will be nothing new

If you throw me in the dirt

I will get up, though it might hurt

I will get up and fix my hair

Dust off my clothes, with greatest care

I`ll clean my wounds, I`ll sew my clothes 

With golden thread, I will move on

Anyway, it is a fine and lovely day

I have the courage - I will celebrate

I am alive, I`m here to stay

I`m taking place, I `ve found my way

Pretty flowers, gardens, all around me now

Chirping birds enchanting with such cheerful sound 

The ground is colourful and beautiful, sweets smells abound 

I threw away my shoes, I`m walking barefoot about

I used to walk in those graveyards so gloomy

My shoes were pinching me, huge gravestones looming

I do not miss that, not at all

I like the gardens with their green waterfalls

Happy birthday to me! I`ve survived!

Finally I can say that “I can thrive”

There is space for me, a whole life

As I have done so far - for it I`ll fight!

Copyright ©thescribblerinthebooth

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