Invaluable Help
The echo of my thoughts
It scares me a lot
It is amplified, it has become too loud
It has become a shadow - a dark cloud
There`s a mirror also, which reflects
My most attractive aspects it collects
It is not fair, no
There`s nothing I can do, just hope
That miracle would take place here
And save me from my own reflection, my disgrace, my fears
I have to hide behind closed doors
My war too devastating, I can still hear the guns` roars
They are injured yes, they will all be affected
Though I am afraid that I will be neglected
Passed by, so ignored
This is good for you, my absence, though you will be bored
Of course, the ropes have been so tight on you
I`m still not a choice for you
You can tell me to my face
The truth though painful - it will be embraced
An accessory you resort to when there is no one there
When everyone is gone, when you`re so broke, that nobody would care
To think of you, or look at you or call you
When no one`s there to save you, when no one wants to know you
I would be there for you but I can`t provide the proper entertainment
As usual I should expect some kind of wee arraignment
Just go ahead, whatever!
I do not have another option, despite my all endeavours
I have resigned, it`s all the same to me
None of us wants to be here, I see
It doesn't matter if I have to once again
It doesn't matter if you mock my pain
It is your doing, it`s origins anyways
And those like you, who only exist to play
Making peace with it it`s what is wise
For suffering there is no prize
And this is what it is to me
You hold the mirror, it caught me
It drank my beauty and my strength
I`ve helped you carry it at such length
It is my doing too
It will be done soon
It will be done taking, drinking
It will show me my own sinking
Into the mire of eternal sorrow and regret
I shouldn`t have done that, what you`d say I bet
But I did, I helped you with the burden
We shared it, I ended up almost murdered
And I will end up so, you are just waiting
There is something left, you wouldn't leave it here to me
The process of downloading it`s not finished
You would just wait until my body lowly does diminish
You are impatient, in a hurry
Your pilgrimage is holy, so everything else to you is blurry
Just yours and no one else`s, I`m aware
Otherwise, it would not have been fair
And I accept, it is
You need to be appeased
It`s so important, you cannot delay or cancel
I am just an inexperienced and unimportant damsel
Distress? No way!
I`m in control, when you made me realise long ago one day
Whatever you say!
I`ll give it all to you, my strength, my wisdom, all of my days!
So you`d be strong, prepared and content
I`ll stretch myself to that extent
And even further, there`s a lot of me
Sometimes I feel like saying “we”
But it is not allowed
All these times the consequences made me vow
That I`d be me, and I, alone
I am not at all, I am not prone
To assuming, fantasising, though I used to
The consequences of this they, were infused to
The reality so grim, painted with despair
Then i knew it wasn't fair
It was never fair, I thought
This thought, and my reality, I never fought
There was shortage in whatever I required
If I staked my claims, it did backfire
You still stand there with the mirror which reflects
Anything good about me - still collects
I help you carry it around
I wish that I could smash it on the ground
Bad luck you say, I better wear the shroud
Of this thick fog, a dress of this grey cloud
It looks so good on me, it covers all my scars
My wounds and all the weapons sticking out, ours!
I am afraid of being exposed
For quite some time here I`ve been posing
I will vanish soon - it will eat me up
I should encourage you “just don't give up!”
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